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Presidential Medal of Fraud

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Movie Review – ‘Star Wars – The Rise Of Skywalker’

by | Dec 20, 2019 | Entertainment News, Opinion

Movie Review – ‘Star Wars – The Rise Of Skywalker’

by | Dec 20, 2019 | Entertainment News, Opinion

I was 6 years old on May 4, 1977 when a pop culture phenomenon began.
I’m 49 on this, the day where I’m told that the story ended.

After seeing ‘The Rise Of Skywalker’ tonight, I can say with confidence that I was actually 12 when the story ended on May 25, 1983 with the release of ‘Return Of The Jedi’.

It’s abundantly clear now that there was never a real vision for the trilogy that we’ve experienced beginning in 2015 with ‘The Force Awakens’.

Instead, there was a haze of dollar signs driving Disney’s compulsion to deliver what it called the ‘final chapters of the Skywalker saga’.

There was simply no need for Rey, Finn, Kylo, Snoke, Poe, BB-8 and any other characters that became part of our Star Wars consciousness over the years since 2015.

There was no need for any of this really.

‘The Rise Of Skywalker’ is so embarrassing of a film that it makes me ashamed to have held out hope that it would be any else.

I’m actually hard pressed to describe the abortion that is this film, in a spoiler free way…from it’s opening Youtube styled smash cut editing, to it’s lack of any sort of coherent plot, to it’s in your face fan servicing, and down to it’s pathetic…yes pathetic…inclusion of Emperor Palpatine based on…just…nothing, I just don’t know where to really begin, except to say…

I hate this film. I hate me for thinking I wouldn’t hate this film.

This doesn’t even *feel* like Star Wars.
Yes, you read that correctly.

With everything that you ever knew about these films being smashed in your face like you’re the punchline of a Three Stooges bit with a pie, J.J. Abrams somehow managed to deliver something that doesn’t even feel like the thing that brought you to the dance.

How the fuck is that even possible?

I think I’m gonna have to make an audio clip to really get into this with spoilers to explain why this is the piece of shit that it is.

Or maybe I won’t.

Because I don’t even know if this festering pile of dogshit deserves for me to take the time to do that.

In short…long live the Star Wars trilogy – 1977 – 1983.

Joe McCabe

Joe McCabe

Opinionated Irish Guy

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