Movie Review – Captain Marvel

by | Mar 8, 2019

Have you been clamoring for a comic book movie that bores you to tears with an uninteresting story and performances so stiff that you wonder if it’s being done as parody?
Well then look no further, ‘Captain Marvel’ has arrived!

Here’s the sad thing about all of this –
Because of legions of incel ‘bros’ that have decided to hate any film with a female lead in it, because they somehow feel it’s all designed to emasculate them further, ‘Captain Marvel’ was surrounded by controversy before it was even released.

Rotten Tomatoes even adjusted its policy of letting the general audience give films a score before they’re released. Which by the way, I never understood as a policy in the first place. Why would it have ever been thought to be a good idea to allow people to review a film they couldn’t possibly have seen?

Regardless of all of that, ‘Captain Marvel’ was at any rate now protected from ‘review bombing’ brigades.

But this now introduces another problem.
In my opinion, ‘Captain Marvel’ is a legitimately terrible film. Easily the worst entry Marvel has ever offered up, and in a catalog of wondrous, funny, compelling, and action-packed brilliance for a solid decade, this film’s mediocrity is thus accentuated even more.

Brie Larson is a great actress. But not here. This is pure miscasting.
Annette Bening is another really solid actress. But she’s terrible here.
The true highlights of this movie are Samuel L. Jackson being Samuel L. Jackson, and a cat named ‘Goose’. I won’t spoil the cat if you don’t already know.

The storytelling is plodding and uninteresting. I simply didn’t care about Carol Danvers after about a half hour of being beaten over the head with this monotonous drivel.
The use of the ’90s as the backdrop seemed to serve nothing except directors Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck’s desire to use songs that they felt were ‘cool’ in fight scenes.
And perhaps it’s the dual director concept that handed us such a muddled mess.

Both my girlfriend and I literally entertained the idea of getting up and leaving the film.
We never walk out of movies, and we still didn’t here, but we thought about it…at a Marvel movie.

All in all, I just want to stop thinking about ‘Captain Marvel’. I think most people will after this weekend. Unlike other Marvel offerings, I don’t see this film having much legs once word of mouth gets out, and I certainly wasn’t left with the feeling that I was supposed to have going into ‘Avengers: Endgame’.

Elevating this character to the role of savior after this sub-standard entry in an otherwise brilliant run, actually cheapens every hero that came before her.
Hopefully the Russo Brothers are able to course correct the character for their film.

Save your money.

And once again, if you’re looking for a Sci-Fi / Fantasy film with a solid female hero…‘Alita Battle Angel’ is waiting.

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Anudder Joe

Anudder Joe

Opinionated Dick

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